Keeping warm!
Friday, February 25, 2005
Baked Beans!
If this doesn't make you laugh out loud, nothing will.......
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very rembarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk , she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.
The baked beans he had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was ecoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. he took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signalled the end of there freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very rembarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk , she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.
The baked beans he had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was ecoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. he took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signalled the end of there freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Lord
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart & strong,
One who's willy is thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he be gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man that will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say when I ask "How bigs my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body is a twitching,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and the kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the wanker you sent me instead!!!
Amen....
Debbie
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart & strong,
One who's willy is thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he be gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man that will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say when I ask "How bigs my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body is a twitching,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and the kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the wanker you sent me instead!!!
Amen....
Debbie
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
More Snow Today!
More snow has fallen this morning and this time its not melting like it did yesterday :-)
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Jokes of the day!
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little hit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? " She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
AND THE BEST FOR LAST A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin; there's no paper on this side
...lol...lmao...
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little hit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? " She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
AND THE BEST FOR LAST A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin; there's no paper on this side
...lol...lmao...
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Again
Well Ive done it again, changed me blog back to blue, sorry folks but every other one I try just dont compare to this one...lol...
Now lets see whats been happening in my ickle world.......
Lucy and Loppypop are getting on perfect, Toddy is fine but we are watching Misty and Eric very closley as they dont seem too happy about our new family member....
Paulie was off work last week and has got loads of jobs done, he is just fandabbiedozzie....
Next weekend we will finish off all the other bits and bobs and then the house is going on the market and hopefully it wont take long to sell....fingers crossed....
Then Paulie will have to start redecorating the new house till we get it how we want it....aint life a Bitch...lol...theres no rest for the wicked!!
Yesterday we went to a horse auctions in Holmfirth, I was not impressed really with it, we met me sister there which amazed us both that she could trave all that way to see some horses but could not do another ten mins up the road to come and see us.
On the way back to our car I stumbled across the carpark and fell, now Ive got two bruised knees and a very sore arm.
Today we are in cleaning mode and have already done the kitchen and bedroom, now its cooffee time and snow patrol is going on as Paulie is watching the temp and the clouds come rolling in, I just hope it comes or else the floor will be worn out at this rate..lol..
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.....pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee.......
Debbie
Now lets see whats been happening in my ickle world.......
Lucy and Loppypop are getting on perfect, Toddy is fine but we are watching Misty and Eric very closley as they dont seem too happy about our new family member....
Paulie was off work last week and has got loads of jobs done, he is just fandabbiedozzie....
Next weekend we will finish off all the other bits and bobs and then the house is going on the market and hopefully it wont take long to sell....fingers crossed....
Then Paulie will have to start redecorating the new house till we get it how we want it....aint life a Bitch...lol...theres no rest for the wicked!!
Yesterday we went to a horse auctions in Holmfirth, I was not impressed really with it, we met me sister there which amazed us both that she could trave all that way to see some horses but could not do another ten mins up the road to come and see us.
On the way back to our car I stumbled across the carpark and fell, now Ive got two bruised knees and a very sore arm.
Today we are in cleaning mode and have already done the kitchen and bedroom, now its cooffee time and snow patrol is going on as Paulie is watching the temp and the clouds come rolling in, I just hope it comes or else the floor will be worn out at this rate..lol..
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.....pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee.......
Debbie
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Arsehole
After a lovely Valentines, tonite i was checking out the stats etc on me blog and just thought I would check Technorati.
Much to my surprise and pure frustration some Dickhead has the cheek to call me blog - BAD and has even put one of me post on there.
Email here we come:- josh@electricschwa.com
and reads -
Who give you the right to call anyones blog - Bad
Think you had better take my post off now!! Everyone who does a blog has a right to put whatever they like, do yourself a favour and stop being an arsehole!!
You want to have a look at your own work before you comment on anyone elses!!
Buttercup.
This persons Blogs are :
http://www.badblogs.us/
and
http://www.electricschwa.com/
I hope no one elses blogs gets onto this ste!!
Debbie
Much to my surprise and pure frustration some Dickhead has the cheek to call me blog - BAD and has even put one of me post on there.
Email here we come:- josh@electricschwa.com
and reads -
Who give you the right to call anyones blog - Bad
Think you had better take my post off now!! Everyone who does a blog has a right to put whatever they like, do yourself a favour and stop being an arsehole!!
You want to have a look at your own work before you comment on anyone elses!!
Buttercup.
This persons Blogs are :
http://www.badblogs.us/
and
http://www.electricschwa.com/
I hope no one elses blogs gets onto this ste!!
Debbie
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Its all change!!
Hi everyone
Thanks for your kind messages.
Now let see what Ive been upto:-
Work as usual, then I was off on Thursday and Friday with nasty Flu, but it took hold of me and I felt so ill it was untrue, feeling a lot better now apart from coughing and me ribs are still aching.
I have changed me blog and I think its looking pretty damm SEXY, Ive added some new stuff on and did all on me own, well apart from Paulie giving a few instruction with the codes etc.
We have got some good news and it finally came off today, 3 weeks ago we went to the local dog rescue centre and there was these Border Lakeland Terrier puppies, we put our name down and had to wait to see if all was well this weekend.
Today we have picked up our new puppy up and we have called him Lollypop, Lolly for short, Lucy is getting on very nicely with him and he is following us round just wagging his tail, after loosing Zippy, this has come as a very nice surprise!
Till next time, Have fun cause lifes too short!!
Debbie
Thanks for your kind messages.
Now let see what Ive been upto:-
Work as usual, then I was off on Thursday and Friday with nasty Flu, but it took hold of me and I felt so ill it was untrue, feeling a lot better now apart from coughing and me ribs are still aching.
I have changed me blog and I think its looking pretty damm SEXY, Ive added some new stuff on and did all on me own, well apart from Paulie giving a few instruction with the codes etc.
We have got some good news and it finally came off today, 3 weeks ago we went to the local dog rescue centre and there was these Border Lakeland Terrier puppies, we put our name down and had to wait to see if all was well this weekend.
Today we have picked up our new puppy up and we have called him Lollypop, Lolly for short, Lucy is getting on very nicely with him and he is following us round just wagging his tail, after loosing Zippy, this has come as a very nice surprise!
Till next time, Have fun cause lifes too short!!
Debbie
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Missing Zippy
Hi everyone, just popped in to say that Debbie isn't really feeling up to posting at the moment, she's really upset about Zippy, our African Grey parrot, passing away yesterday.
It's going to take time to get used to the silence, we're allready missing Zippy chirping away all night and that special 'hello' in the mornings, but together we'll get through the coming days, weeks and months.
Paul
It's going to take time to get used to the silence, we're allready missing Zippy chirping away all night and that special 'hello' in the mornings, but together we'll get through the coming days, weeks and months.
Paul
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
MEN!!
If only men would listen
Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road
They pass each other
Woman yells out her window, "PIG!"
Man yells out his window, "BITCH!"
Man rounds next curve
Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.
Thought For The Day : If only men would listen.
Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road
They pass each other
Woman yells out her window, "PIG!"
Man yells out his window, "BITCH!"
Man rounds next curve
Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.
Thought For The Day : If only men would listen.
Cats Story!
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy,
"I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy,
"I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Under the Weather!!
We had another lovely weekend and got some great pictures at the birdie place, some of them are on Paulies site, but I will post some that I took with me new camera as well.....
Yesterday, I ended up going to the doctors as I was a bit under the weather, they tested me sugar levels again with a sharp stab in the top of me thmb, honestly it was worse than having blood taken out of your arm, think Im a wimp...lol...then came the blood pressure and the nurse was impressed as well as I jumped on the scales to find that Id lost more weight, think Ive had a full MOT...lol...lmao...
Trying to have a chill day is a nitemare in this house, the cats were running round like nutters on speed and Lucy was a cling on, never left me side, but bless she is a good girl.
Today it was back to work and when I got in I could have cried, my desk was like a tip, after 3/4 of an hour getting it to were I wanted then I could get back on with me job. Today was different, everyone was in fine moods and the giggles and banter in our office was great.
After a lovely tea of Singapour rice and curry sauce, its now time to chill and catch up with todays news and weather, by the way they have forcast SNOW for the weekend and beleive me Paulie is a very happy bunnie...lol...
Now Paulie is teaching Zippy how to swear and Lucy is sat at the side of him, Im sure she is trying to learn as well...lol...
Just take a look at this very Brainy Birdie
Debbie
Yesterday, I ended up going to the doctors as I was a bit under the weather, they tested me sugar levels again with a sharp stab in the top of me thmb, honestly it was worse than having blood taken out of your arm, think Im a wimp...lol...then came the blood pressure and the nurse was impressed as well as I jumped on the scales to find that Id lost more weight, think Ive had a full MOT...lol...lmao...
Trying to have a chill day is a nitemare in this house, the cats were running round like nutters on speed and Lucy was a cling on, never left me side, but bless she is a good girl.
Today it was back to work and when I got in I could have cried, my desk was like a tip, after 3/4 of an hour getting it to were I wanted then I could get back on with me job. Today was different, everyone was in fine moods and the giggles and banter in our office was great.
After a lovely tea of Singapour rice and curry sauce, its now time to chill and catch up with todays news and weather, by the way they have forcast SNOW for the weekend and beleive me Paulie is a very happy bunnie...lol...
Now Paulie is teaching Zippy how to swear and Lucy is sat at the side of him, Im sure she is trying to learn as well...lol...
Just take a look at this very Brainy Birdie
Debbie
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